Emmanuel Kant was a real pissed ant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozey beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Friederich Hegel, (Wilhelm Friederich Hegel?)
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half-a-pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of Whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbs was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes mas a drunken fart:
I drink, therefore I am.
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed: