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FRANK ZAPPA THE "REAL WORLD" THEMATIC EXTRAPOLATIONS (MEMORIAL AUDITORIUM 1980) LYRICS

FZ--lead guitar & vocals
Steve Vai--stunt guitar & background vocals
Ray White--vocals & rhythm guitar
Ike Willis--vocals & rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars--keyboards & vocals
Bob Harris--keyboards, trumpet & high vocals
Arthur Barrow--bass & vocals
Vinnie Colaiuta--drums & vocals



You know, you've heard those lines so many times. You go into a disco and you hear these people sitting around, desperately trying to get a little action. Now, isn't it DISGUSTING the things that people will say to each other when all they wanna do is just ga-- get down to a little wholesome POOCHING after the event.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I think that it's only fair, since th-- the theme of our show tonight has been The Real World, that we make an earnest effort to deal with these problems in a FORTHRIGHT MANNER. You know what I mean?

So look, I know that you-- you're gonna leave this place eventually and you're gonna go and maybe you'll go someplace--you might even go to a disco kind of a place, I know how you are--and when you go in there, you're gonna--yes, you will, I know you will. He will! And so will she. 'Cause I've seen 'em there. But when you go there, I know what you're going to do . . .

You're gonna walk in
You're gonna check it out a couple of times
You're gonna walk over to the bar
To see if there's any immediate grunt type action over there
And if there's not
You're gonna spin around a couple of times
And look kind of nonchalant
Then you're gonna look around the room to see if there's
ANYBODY THERE YOU KNOW
And if there's somebody there you know
You'll go over and sit at the table with him
And you'll look around to see if there's any PUSSY coming in later

And you'll sit there and you'll keep watching the door
And then you'll watch the floor
And then you'll get lucky, oh my God
Here comes one, here's one worth striving for
She's-- She's training to be a nurse
She looks clean
No potential of disease here
It looks like the big one
Yes, you're gonna try for it, AREN'T YOU?

Who knows? Maybe you'll do good, maybe you won't, but you gotta try, because she looks like a nurse, right? No diseases and you gotta try.

So . . .
She's coming in
She has a girlfriend
Her girlfriend is UGLY

Because cute girls always have ugly girlfriends, and the reason that they have ugly girlfriends is because it makes them look cuter!

The girls come into the disco
There they are
They're getting ready for some action
They don't want anybody to know that they wanna get
FUCKED ALL NIGHT LONG
Girls that are training to be nurses with ugly girlfriends
Don't want people to know that's what they REALLY WANT

So when they walk in, what do they do?
They look around
They go to the bar
They see if there's any HUNKS at the bar
They're checking out the hunks
There's no good hunks at the bar
There's a couple of NERDS at the bar
And somebody who is gonna be a nurse later
Doesn't want to get pooched by a NERD
She wants a HUNK
So when there's no hunks at the bar
Her and her ugly girlfriend go to the toilet together!

While they're in there
They fix their hair
They check their nails
They look around
They smell their breath
By holding their hand underneath like this and blowing up their nose
The ugly girlfriend takes out her eyebrow pencil and writes,
"FUCK ME, YOU UGLY SON OF A BITCH!"
On the wall

Her girlfriend who's gonna be a nurse
Tells her, "That's not really very nice to do
But let's go out and see if there's any more hunks"
Then they go out of the toilet
They go back into the disco
They go out and they look around the floor,
See if there's any guys who can DANCE

Well, there's always one
He's a cute guy
He has no--
He has no abilities in any field other
Than shaking his booty on the dance floor
But he doesn't need to
Because his father owns a DEPARTMENT STORE
And he'll never have to go to work a day in his life
So he was born cute and he's dancing
And he's out there kind of waiting for somebody
Who's gonna grow up to be a nurse
With an ugly girlfriend
Maybe--

Anyway, you, remember, you, when you went in there and you, you saw the nurse before they went into the toilet. But the nurse and the ugly girlfriend came out and they saw this dancing hunk on the floor. Hey, this is gonna be some competition for you. You don't wanna see a nice clean nurse going off with a dancing hunk, do you?

No. Not you! You won't stand for it. You're part Italian, right? You're not? What, you're Jewish? Love your nails.

Anyway--'Cause if you were part Italian you'd get some of your friends and stab him when he left the club, wouldn't you?

But you're not gonna wait till he leaves the club. Nope. You're gonna get him where it hurts, you don't care whether he's a cute guy dancing. You can't dance, but you're gonna pooch the nurse, aren't you? So you go over to the girl and you say these words:

"I respect you for your mind!"

Then the nurse looks at you and goes, "Jay-zus-Christ! Jay-zus-fuckin'-Christ! What's wrong with you?" Then she turns to her ugly girlfriend and says, "Let's go get the hunk!"

Then you get suicidal. You go to your friend, who's at the other table, and you ask him if he's got any downers. And he does! He gives you a fistful of them. You want to kill yourself right there in the disco, don't you? So you eat all of the downers, right there.

Down and down they go
Round and round they go
You're going into a spin
You're loving the spin you're in

The next thing you know, you're up and you're dancing your ass off, aren't you? That's right! Suddenly, the nurse and her ugly girlfriend have NEW RESPECT FOR YOU. 'Cause you're a potential dancing hunk. So--

But you're so wasted you don't even know what's going on. All this time you thought you were going to the toilet. But you can't find it anymore, you're just wandering around the middle of the dance floor. And the beat goes on and you're so wrong, it's pumping away and your buttocks are pumping up and down, you're really doing the twist and everything.

Well, the next thing you know you're over at the nurse's apartment. Her and her ugly girlfriend have all this S&M APPARATUS.

Because they discussed it, before they took you there, they said, "Hey, anybody who can dance like that has gotta be FAN-TASTIC." So you've been abducted and you're over there in a nurse's apartment, except now she's wearing black leather underpants, a garter belt, a pointed titanium brassiere, and she's got a riding crop in one hand, with a black Halloween mask.

And she's putting on Black Sabbath albums in the background.

That's right. But you're so wasted, what do you know? You think you're having a good time.

And then . . .
She makes you get down on your knees
You're kissing her boots
She's beating you across the forehead
With the riding crop
You don't know
You're so wasted
Her ugly girlfriend
Is tying your hands behind your back
With some barbed wire
You like it a lot
They roll you over
They take a hot poker
You still think you're having a good time

You see what can happen when you go to a disco?

You see what can happen when you leave a disco?

Well, but not to change the subject, ladies and gentlemen, we have this song that we might as well do for you now just to end this thing off. Uh, it's based on what the girl wrote on the wall in the toilet. The name of this song is "Stick It Out."